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Lock_Heart
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Name: Mew
Gender: Female
Interests: Hang Out with Friends, Watching Sports, Going to Movies, Day Dream, Reading, Listening to Music, Shopping, Eating.
Expertise: Rambling, Sleeping, Eating wheee, Shopping, Being in a bad mood.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
AIM: ?on_url=http://www.aol.com:80/aim/gr/online.gif&off_url=http://www.aol.com:80/aim/gr/offline.gif) Ask me =)
Member Since:
10/22/2003
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| I know it sounds insanely cliche, but it's so true..
I'm surprised at everything that has happened over the last 6 months or so...All I can say is
When you truly love someone..hold on to them. Because once you let go...the damage is permanent.
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| I have been working 50 hours a week for the last 2 weeks and the rest of the time in summer until school starts. Can I say, "nightmare?!" Uh, yah?...But this is all to save up to buy a new laptop which I really need. This HP I have is dying on me kinda. I can't risk not having a computer when fall quarter starts, although at the same time, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to put up w/ anymore doped up retards...
Anyways, I'm kinda wishing school's gonna start soon, so I'll get a friking break. I know I'm going to regret saying this however, since school is NEVER fun for me. I'm kinda excited at the same time b/c I'll be able to meet new people. I really need to stop being a hermit sometimes and try to act like I care or something. But honestly, I'm perfectly happy w/ having a great family and a couple of really close friends. I don't give a shit about having a huge crowd of ppl to hang out w/...it's quality that matters.
Other than above, my tonsils hurt...probably a result of lack of sleep. I'm almost positive of it...which is going to suck. I'm thinking about putting myself on Keflex 250mg if it doesn't stop hurting tomorrow or the day after...
Where do I begin
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love she brings to me
Where do I start
With her first hello
She gave new meaning to this empty world of mine
Thered never be another love, another time
She came into my life and made the living fine
She fills my heart
She fills my heart with very special things
With angels songs , with wild imaginings
She fills my soul with so much love
That anywhere I go Im never lonely
With her around, who could be lonely
I reach for her hand-its always there
How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now but this much I can say
I know Ill need her till the stars all burn away
And she'll be there
How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now but this much I can say
I know Ill need her till the stars all burn away
And she'll be there...
The lyrics is just so beautiful....
Well...until next time...
~m-e-w
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| It's almost midnight. I really should be asleep, but I'm not. I've been thinking a lot, which is probably not so good for me. I'm really nervous about pharmacy school this coming fall...everyone is going to be so smart. I know I'm not dumb or anything, but I'm not a genius either. For once in my life, I feel really shaky about my intelligence..lol. But I guess I'll just have to deal with it when it comes. The breaking benjamin concert was absolutely amazing, although I almost got squeezed to death by people, but it was still fun nonetheless. I'm also working...a LOT. I have like 1 day off this entire week and that's already planned with stuff to do too...but I'll need the money to pay for the rent and everything...Other than school/work sucking, things have been going really well. My mood has been improving, and I feel happier. But I still feel blah at times...lol, I just really want a person that I can just chill with all the time when I'm bored, lonely, or whatever w/o any string or baggage. AKA, a really cool roommate..or something...I don't really know how to describe it. lol, ok it's starting to sound weird. But anyways...I should really stop typing before I babble any further
If I can reach the stars,
Pull one down for you,
Shine it on my heart
So you could see the truth:
That this love I have inside
Is everything it seems. But for now I find
It's only in my dreams. If I can change the world,
I would be the sunlight in your universe.
You would think my love was really something good,
Baby if I could change the world.
And if I could be king, Even for a day,
I'd take you as my queen;
I'd have it no other way.
And our love would rule
This kingdom we had made.
Till then I'd be a fool,
Wishing for the day...
That I can change the world,
I would be the sunlight in your universe.
You would think my love was really something good, Baby if I could change the world...
-m-e-w
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| OK, so i've had some frightening dreams over the last couple of days. First of all, my eyes apparently were gooing out of my lacrima. NOOOO, then i dreamed about Gary running into a car. Basically witnessing many accidents and scary stuff. 
Anyways, Jamie's coming back this weekend, which would be amazing..I've been so incrediblely bored this summer w/ everyone gone and Karlin being too lazy to get off her butt and everything. I can't wait till I move back to GC this weekend with classes FINALLY ending.. I've been so homesick too...funny b/c my actual house is like 20 mins away. But it takes calories to drive around ya know.
OH yah, I'm so excited about the breaking benjamin concert next week, it's going to be incredible. And I'll be able to see my love Kar again in like a thousand years.
And I've decided to give up stressing on the whole Thomas thing. I know I've probalby said this a million times...but seriously...I never gave a shit about people before I started dating him, why start now...I just really need to hanging out w/ some friends, just shut down my emotions, and give him time. I'm sure that's better for the both of us anyway. I've just been so lonely lately, and I feel trapped...I don't even know why. But I truly believe that a person can't be happy unless he or she is happy by/with themselves first...So maybe I just have some "soul searching" to do...haha...OK, i really need to stop talking before I sound anymore weird.
Pirates of the Carribean again tonight!! I really should tell myself not to fall asleep this time. haha
~m-e-w
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| Honestly...I don't even know if writing this is going to make me feel any better. I just need to vent right now. I'm so scared of losing him, but I know that he's started to lose me. At some point of this relationship, everything just went wrong. Maybe it's me, maybe it's him, maybe it's both of us..Whatever the reason might have been, it's slowly killing us. Us does not exist anymore...Unfortunately, there is no perfect fairy tale. I'm sitting here waiting for him to call, I don't even know why. He's not going to call...yet I still have this feeling that he might. I do not know why I cannot call him. Maybe I just feel too hurt to do so...I honestly feel like he made this happen. Everything that I fell in love with when it all started is GONE...And now..I'm only in love with a shadow. I told the story "Swan Lake" to Kristin today. It made me thing that every little girl's dream is to live happily ever after with her prince. But how often does that happen? I advise those that do have that to appreciate it as much as you can, as often as you can...because once it's gone, it's gone. I've realized that he has been taken me for granted for quite a while now. Every time we get into a fight about this, he keeps saying that this is the last time he'd do that, and this time it is different. But it never was...never is, most likely never will. Now I'm just trying to decide if I can live with him treating me like this. Maybe I'm just asking too much? I feel so sad that I'm doubting if it is me that caused all this...I gave him so much, and all I got from him is "oh you're making me wanna punch the wall, i don't wanna talk to you"...so on and on...It's so ironic. He chased after me, he made me feel special, he convinced me that he'll always treasure me and love me. It's all a lie...saying doesn't mean much, action does. And action basically is non-existant in this relationship. I'm praying that maybe he'll realize what really is going on and stop hurting me. But I doubt it is going to happen. I'm so sick of everything. And I'm definitely experiencing the breaking up syndrome. What if I never find someone like that again...someone that I love and loves me back, someone that makes my heart flutter, someone....I don't know...But I have to realize that it is not true. I heard this lady talking on sunny 95 today, and she said that when she broke up with her b/f, she thought she was never going to be happy again, but it was not true. She did find happiness again with a man that she loves more who actually appreciate her. So I just have to be strong and believe that there is something better out there for me. I have to...because there is no other way. I'm so scared that I'll never love again...but I will. I will. I guess I'll just keep telling myself that.
I love you Thomas...I want us to work so bad, but I can't hurt like this anymore...
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